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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Leave
Went
Wonderful
Waiting
High
Experience
School
People
Entire

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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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