Quote

Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Guy
Poison
Weirdo
Religious
Cat
Tooth
Family
Teeth
Adopt
Kids
Gun
Truck
Biker
Look
Balls
Adopted
Dunno
Looks
Dead
Talks
Hmm
Many
Full
Cats
Bikers
Maybe
Nuts
Genetically

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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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