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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Stills
Cake
Still
Entire
Feel
Weight
Feels
Eating
Pride
Watches
Watch
Comes
Cupcakes

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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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