Quote

Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Feel
Weight
Feels
Eating
Pride
Watches
Watch
Comes
Cupcakes
Stills
Cake
Still
Entire

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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Competition is the death of art.
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