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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Comes
Cupcakes
Stills
Cake
Still
Entire
Feel
Weight
Feels
Eating
Pride
Watches
Watch

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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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