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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Pride
Watches
Watch
Comes
Cupcakes
Stills
Cake
Still
Entire
Feel
Weight
Feels
Eating

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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Competition is the death of art.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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