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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
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Cupcakes
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Cake
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Entire
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Weight
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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