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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Comes
Cupcakes
Stills
Cake
Still
Entire
Feel
Weight
Feels
Eating
Pride
Watches
Watch

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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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