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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Comes
Cupcakes
Stills
Cake
Still
Entire
Feel
Weight
Feels
Eating
Pride
Watches
Watch

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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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