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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Drum
Beat
Beats
Competition
Wants
Called
Winning
Bigs
Competitions

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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould