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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Wants
Called
Winning
Bigs
Competitions
Drum
Beat
Beats
Competition

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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Competition is the death of art.
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