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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Winning
Bigs
Competitions
Drum
Beat
Beats
Competition
Wants
Called

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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
Dana Gould
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould