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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Wants
Called
Winning
Bigs
Competitions
Drum
Beat
Beats
Competition

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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Competition is the death of art.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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