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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Drum
Beat
Beats
Competition
Wants
Called
Winning
Bigs
Competitions

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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould