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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Jury
Bites
Duty
Life
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More quotes by Dana Gould

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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Dana Gould
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
Dana Gould
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
Dana Gould
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould