Quote

Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Always
Shitting
Pants
Grow
Stop
Grows
Remember

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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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