Quote

Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Shitting
Pants
Grow
Stop
Grows
Remember
Always

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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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