Quote

Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Always
Shitting
Pants
Grow
Stop
Grows
Remember

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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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