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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Workaholic
Liquor
Drink
Instead
Working

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
Dana Gould
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
Dana Gould
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
Dana Gould
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould