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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Hard
Forces
Present
Future
Hope
Force
Living
Part
Abandon
Nothing
Thanks

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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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