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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Present
Future
Hope
Force
Living
Part
Abandon
Nothing
Thanks
Hard
Forces

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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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