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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Hope
Force
Living
Part
Abandon
Nothing
Thanks
Hard
Forces
Present
Future

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Competition is the death of art.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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