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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Orthodox
Dating
Jew
Realized
Goth
Months
Chick
Four
Dated
Five
Chicks
Ever
Costumes

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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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