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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Literally
Seriously
Bible
Take

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
Dana Gould
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
Dana Gould
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould