Quote

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Literally
Seriously
Bible
Take

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
Image
Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
Image
One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
Dana Gould
Image
The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
Image
Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
Image
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
Image
Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
Image
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
Image
We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
Image
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
Image
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
Dana Gould
Image
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
Image
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
Image
I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
Image
Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
Image
Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
Dana Gould
Image
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
Image
Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
Dana Gould
Image
Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
Dana Gould
Image
Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould