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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Approach
Late
Painting
Fire
Dies
Approaches
Getting
Surgery
House
Plastic
Kind
Shame

More quotes by Dana Gould

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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould