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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Late
Painting
Fire
Dies
Approaches
Getting
Surgery
House
Plastic
Kind
Shame
Like
Approach

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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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