Quote

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
House
Plastic
Kind
Shame
Like
Approach
Late
Painting
Fire
Dies
Approaches
Getting
Surgery

More quotes by Dana Gould

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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
Dana Gould
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
Dana Gould
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Dana Gould
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
Dana Gould
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould