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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dad
Blame
Concerned
Placing
Pretty
Fault
Everything
Ball
Much
Appear
Life
Balls
Faults
More quotes by Dana Gould
The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
Dana Gould
Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould
Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
Dana Gould
I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Dana Gould
Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
Dana Gould
I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Dana Gould
Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
