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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Concerned
Placing
Pretty
Fault
Ball
Everything
Appear
Much
Balls
Life
Faults
Dad
Blame

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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Competition is the death of art.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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