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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dad
Blame
Concerned
Placing
Pretty
Fault
Everything
Ball
Much
Appear
Life
Balls
Faults

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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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