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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Camping
Homeless
People

More quotes by Dana Gould

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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould