Quote

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Emotional
Feelings
Think
Thinking
Safeguard
Like
Packing
Swallowed
Material
Materials

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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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