Quote

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Packing
Swallowed
Material
Materials
Emotional
Feelings
Think
Thinking
Safeguard

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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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