Quote

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Think
Thinking
Safeguard
Like
Packing
Swallowed
Material
Materials
Emotional
Feelings

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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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