Quote

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Emotional
Feelings
Think
Thinking
Safeguard
Like
Packing
Swallowed
Material
Materials

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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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