Quote

The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Aging
Stores
Gonna
Health
Trust
Food
Magazine
Stop
Store
Death
Magazines

More quotes by Dana Gould

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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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