Quote

The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Stop
Store
Death
Magazines
Aging
Stores
Gonna
Health
Trust
Food
Magazine

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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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