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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Playboy
Lady
Weird
Naked
Knowing
Woman
Didn
Thing

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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould