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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Looks
Dog
People
Concerned
Face
Faces
Wanders
House
Wander
Around
Dogs
Find
Phone
Look
Phones

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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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