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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
People
Concerned
Face
Faces
Wanders
House
Wander
Around
Dogs
Find
Phone
Look
Phones
Looks
Dog
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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