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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Grudges
Alzheimer
Grudge
Irish
Forget
Everything

More quotes by Dana Gould

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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould