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Contrary to popular cable TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.

Cynthia Heimel

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Cynthia Heimel
Age: 70 †
Born: 1947
Born: July 13
Died: 2018
Died: February 25
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Nothing
Hideous
Deranged
Like
Fitness
Squeezing
Popular
Induced
Contrary
Shiny
Steps
Grinning
Orangutan
Opinion
Disco
Debauched
Body
Cable
Spandex
Music
Cables
Aerobics

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We have to have faith in ourselves. I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has great legs. And if she suspects that she might have great legs, then she's convinced that she has a shrill voice and no neck.
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Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you like, well, a book.
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[On peanut M&Ms:] It is the eggness of them. A shell, chocolate placenta, proteiny peanut baby. Life shape, birth shape, cell shape, protoplasmic-ooze shape. A shape that calls straight through civilization to our reptilian brains.
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With dogs, you don't need gurus. Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.
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we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.
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The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.
Cynthia Heimel
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it is a shoe designer's job to be a year ahead of our collective unconscious.
Cynthia Heimel
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The Pain-Free Shopping Method: Buy a present for you, then a present for a friend. Then another present for you. Then a present for a friend. Then two presents for you. Then a present for a friend. Then go home, get into bed, and pull up the covers.
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A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.
Cynthia Heimel
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All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.
Cynthia Heimel
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In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.
Cynthia Heimel
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I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock band (Moby Grape) any of us had ever seen. It looked psychedelic, yet it was done by ad people. I believe the word hype was coined on that very day.
Cynthia Heimel
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Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.
Cynthia Heimel
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Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.
Cynthia Heimel
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When women are excited about a date, they go immediately on a diet, because all women know they are hideously obese.
Cynthia Heimel
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Never judge someone by who he's in love with judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.
Cynthia Heimel
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You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'
Cynthia Heimel
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Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.
Cynthia Heimel
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The buying of a self-help book is the most desperate of all human acts. It means you've lost your mind completely: You've entrusted your mental health to a self-aggrandizing twit with a psychology degree and a yen for a yacht.
Cynthia Heimel
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Dogs are us, only innocent.
Cynthia Heimel