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California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'
Craig Kilborn
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Craig Kilborn
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: August 24
Actor
Basketball Player
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Kansas City
Missouri
Candidates
California
Asking
Minutes
Economy
Four
Better
Declining
Rapidly
More quotes by Craig Kilborn
Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.
Craig Kilborn
I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.
Craig Kilborn
If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch!
Craig Kilborn
John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.
Craig Kilborn
Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.
Craig Kilborn
As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day.
Craig Kilborn
Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.
Craig Kilborn
The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News.
Craig Kilborn
I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.
Craig Kilborn
President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield.
Craig Kilborn
My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'
Craig Kilborn
I have a wonderful respect for old people.
Craig Kilborn
Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.
Craig Kilborn
Singer Boy Dylan was stopped at his own sow by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied, 'I can hardly blame them. Look at me.'
Craig Kilborn
As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.
Craig Kilborn
Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry.
Craig Kilborn
President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has drilled before.
Craig Kilborn
Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.
Craig Kilborn
I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.
Craig Kilborn
The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.
Craig Kilborn