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I don't think of myself of a late-show host any more than I think of myself of a game-show host. I mean, I've done both, I've been an actor. I'm just kind of a carny, that's it.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Think
Host
Thinking
Late
Actor
Game
Show
Done
Mean
Kind
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
Craig Ferguson
He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.
Craig Ferguson
I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
Craig Ferguson
Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over!
Craig Ferguson
Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever.
Craig Ferguson
If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.
Craig Ferguson
Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.
Craig Ferguson
I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.
Craig Ferguson
Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.
Craig Ferguson
Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet.
Craig Ferguson
I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.
Craig Ferguson
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during 'Spongebob Squarepants.'
Craig Ferguson
I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
Craig Ferguson
The term Big Brother is from George Orwell's book 1984 - where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like Creepy Uncle?
Craig Ferguson
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
Craig Ferguson
If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
Craig Ferguson
I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
Craig Ferguson
I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.
Craig Ferguson
If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.
Craig Ferguson
I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.
Craig Ferguson