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Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Preventing
Letter
Passed
California
Driving
Letters
Law
Writing
Texting

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Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.
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That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
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Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden.
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The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.
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I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.
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I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. There was not much money. The most popular Christmas toy was probably a potato.
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It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
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New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
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I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.
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Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.
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There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
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I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move.
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Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.
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