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Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Something
Cheap
Really
Anyway
Way
Gun
Danger
Needed
Dangerous
American
Easy

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Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.
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When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
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Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'
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Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
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You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
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I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
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Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.
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Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.
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Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
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Here in Los Angeles, school's out for summer. For thousands of school kids, this is the first week of summer vacation. And for thousands of parents, it's the first week of hell.
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The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They're like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him.
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