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Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Easy
Something
Cheap
Really
Anyway
Way
Gun
Danger
Needed
Dangerous
American
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.
Craig Ferguson
Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
Craig Ferguson
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
Craig Ferguson
I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
Craig Ferguson
Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.
Craig Ferguson
114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.
Craig Ferguson
I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
Craig Ferguson
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
Craig Ferguson
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.
Craig Ferguson
There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
Craig Ferguson
The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
Craig Ferguson
Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet.
Craig Ferguson
There is a scene in the movie where Astrid and Hiccup fly on Toothless's back toward the island of Berk. The animation is intensely real, from the waves on the sea to wisps of wind blowing in the characters' hair. The feeling I get watching that scene is why I fly - just for that feeling.
Craig Ferguson
The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
Craig Ferguson
CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can still watch golf.
Craig Ferguson
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.
Craig Ferguson
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig Ferguson
I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.
Craig Ferguson
What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!
Craig Ferguson
