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People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
People
Accept
Spend
Accepting
Thousands
Hope
Teeth
Keep
Acceptance
Live
Gay
Trying
Straight
World
Dollars
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
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You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.
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People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
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I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.
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The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.
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Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'
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The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
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I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck.
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These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
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Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.
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I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
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Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
Craig Ferguson
Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.
Craig Ferguson
For the first time in history, Congress has 100 women in it. Congratulations. Welcome to modern times, America. It's great having 100 women in Congress. Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.
Craig Ferguson
