Quote

People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Trying
Straight
World
Dollars
People
Accept
Spend
Accepting
Thousands
Hope
Teeth
Keep
Acceptance
Live
Gay

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That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.
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I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.
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They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.
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Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
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Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
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Former president Bill Clinton was elected on this very day in 1992. Clinton went on to leave quite a mark in the oval office... You mean the one on the sofa?
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I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!
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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
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Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.
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If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.
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I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
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You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.
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Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
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For the first time in history, Congress has 100 women in it. Congratulations. Welcome to modern times, America. It's great having 100 women in Congress. Unless you're in line for the congressional bathroom.
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It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
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A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
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Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.
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