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People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Keep
Acceptance
Live
Gay
Trying
Straight
World
Dollars
People
Accept
Spend
Accepting
Thousands
Hope
Teeth

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People sometimes say to me: Craig, get out of my garden.
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President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
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I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.
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I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.
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The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.
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Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'
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There's something I believe wholeheartedly: Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual, .. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual tenet.
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Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
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Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.
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I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
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Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of what if when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.
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She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.
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When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
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Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
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If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'
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I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
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