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If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Already
War
America
Sworn
Scotland
Afraid

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.
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Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
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On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn’t keep in touch. They’re probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.
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It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?
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New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
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If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.
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Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.
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The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
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I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
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I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.
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Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.
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Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.
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The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can't do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
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Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.
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President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
Craig Ferguson