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If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Shows
Late
Hold
Hosts
Politics
Clergymen
Moral
Accountability
Gone
Host
Talk
Holding
Show
Politicians
Night
Politician
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It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?
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Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.
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I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.
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You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
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Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'
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Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.
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When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
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CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can still watch golf.
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There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
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I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
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I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
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I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
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Great, as long as you're happy
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I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?
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There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
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I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
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