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A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Steal
Stealing
Help
Helping
Look
Looks
Purse
Junkie
Purses

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
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Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over!
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I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.
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Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
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Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.
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In the past I've been hard on the vegans. I've called them Prius-driving fascists, but now I am one of them. I have been turned to the dark side.
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They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.
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At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
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I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
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The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They're like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him.
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Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
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Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer.
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
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I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.
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President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
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I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it
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