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You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Rush
Wedding
According
Gay
John
Sing
Elton
People
Weddings
Sang

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
Craig Ferguson
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Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
Craig Ferguson
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Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'
Craig Ferguson
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I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.
Craig Ferguson
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He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.
Craig Ferguson
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
Craig Ferguson
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Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012
Craig Ferguson
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
Craig Ferguson
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Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.
Craig Ferguson
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Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over!
Craig Ferguson
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Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.
Craig Ferguson
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Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.
Craig Ferguson
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Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.
Craig Ferguson
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Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
Craig Ferguson
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
Craig Ferguson
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For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.
Craig Ferguson
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Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.
Craig Ferguson
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Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need -- another excuse to be jerks.
Craig Ferguson
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He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.
Craig Ferguson
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Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.
Craig Ferguson