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There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Today
Bones
Cable
Great
Dog
Cables
Even
Watches
Recreation
Going
Watch
Bark
Like
Game
Schedule
Came
Channel
Games
Schedules
Shows
Dogs
Barks
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.
Craig Ferguson
I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
Craig Ferguson
Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.
Craig Ferguson
I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.
Craig Ferguson
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during 'Spongebob Squarepants.'
Craig Ferguson
The whole idea of re-releasing old movies does bother me a little bit. If they're going to re-release an old movie, I should be able to get in with my old ticket.
Craig Ferguson
Harry Potter, he sends a message on Owl Mail while us poor old muggles have to make do with instantaneous emails and texting. Oh, if only we could be like you Harry Potter, with your four day owl delivery!
Craig Ferguson
New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
Craig Ferguson
I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.
Craig Ferguson
Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.
Craig Ferguson
You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.
Craig Ferguson
World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It's like Black Friday at the mall.
Craig Ferguson
Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.
Craig Ferguson
He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.
Craig Ferguson
I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?
Craig Ferguson
I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it
Craig Ferguson
When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
Craig Ferguson
Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.
Craig Ferguson
Stand by your bed and salute me.
Craig Ferguson
This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.
Craig Ferguson
