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Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Rioting
Kidding
Shocked
Watching
Watches
Started
People

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
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In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.
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I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
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Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
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I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.
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You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.
Craig Ferguson
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Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.
Craig Ferguson
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Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera doesn't it?
Craig Ferguson
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I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.
Craig Ferguson
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Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.
Craig Ferguson
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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
Craig Ferguson
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You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.
Craig Ferguson
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Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.
Craig Ferguson
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My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.
Craig Ferguson
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Sometimes they would just pay me to stay home and not do anything else, which sounds fantastic but doesn't do much for your ego. Its probably a little like getting alimony - the money is nice but has a nasty aftertaste.
Craig Ferguson
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When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
Craig Ferguson
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The whole idea of re-releasing old movies does bother me a little bit. If they're going to re-release an old movie, I should be able to get in with my old ticket.
Craig Ferguson
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The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
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I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure.
Craig Ferguson