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People sometimes say to me: Craig, get out of my garden.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Humor
Funny
Sometimes
People
Craig
Garden

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
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What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!
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It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
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Stand by your bed and salute me.
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I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.
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A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.
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Great, as long as you're happy
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My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
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Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera doesn't it?
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Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
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Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.
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Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like Who shot J.R.? I like to think I do this every night - the question is, Is this show still on?
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These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
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The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.
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Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.
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When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
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I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
Craig Ferguson