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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Cheeky
Monkeys
Welcome
Humor
Funny
Back

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.
Craig Ferguson
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The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
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I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.
Craig Ferguson
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Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
Craig Ferguson
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I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
Craig Ferguson
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In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday, Mardi Gras, where men give women beads in the respectful and post-feminist desire to see their naked boobies.
Craig Ferguson
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I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
Craig Ferguson
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
Craig Ferguson
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I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.
Craig Ferguson
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The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during 'Spongebob Squarepants.'
Craig Ferguson
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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
Craig Ferguson
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She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.
Craig Ferguson
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I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
Craig Ferguson
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Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.
Craig Ferguson
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Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.
Craig Ferguson
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I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.
Craig Ferguson
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It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.
Craig Ferguson
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I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.
Craig Ferguson
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Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to them what their ancestors did to my country.
Craig Ferguson
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Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
Craig Ferguson