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Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Right
Stations
Going
Muslim
World
Fellow
Fellows
Obama
News
Saves
President
Laden
Death
Kills
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can still watch golf.
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
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These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
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The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
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A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.
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Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
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Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'
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It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.
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There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. I think the whole premise is flawed. You're supposed to find true happiness outside of work. From friends, family, and YouTube videos of old people falling down.
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Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.
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Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
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Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.
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Oh Satan you're a wily one.
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Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
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Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels.
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I wanted to be a rock star.
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I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
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I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.
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Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.
Craig Ferguson
